The Incredible HC Diet

As mentioned in my last post, I had planned to take some time off for the holidays. That came to pass via unintended means. Rather than celebrate and eat and drink myself into an ever-expanding waistline, I fell into a diet regimen with astonishing results. I call it the HC Diet; HC stands for head cold.

The amazing thing about this protocol is its ability to work despite any intentions the user has to drop out. So, instead of eating rich foods and consuming adult beverages, I’ve been subsisting on a diet of coffee and phlegm. This has been augmented by a strict policy of exercise avoidance.

Though I managed to drag myself to the keyboard for this brief post, the rest of my efforts have been confined to travel between bed and sofa.

Another interesting effect of this miracle diet is its impact on certain intellectual and emotional functions. My creativity, for instance, has all but disappeared along with my interest in virtually any program available on TV. I flipped through at least a thousand movie titles available free on cable, and couldn’t find a single one that touched my fancy much less tickled it.

Two visits to the local Doc in a Box generated four prescriptions and two injections (that required a different sort of cheek turning).

Am I feeling better? I dunno. I’m going back to bed now. Maybe I’ll have a better idea about that when I wake up. Tomorrow. Or the next day.

–Josh

About joshlangston

Grateful and well-loved husband, happy grandparent, novelist, editor, and teacher. My life plate is full, and I couldn't be happier. Anything else I might add would be anticlimactic. Cheers!
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13 Responses to The Incredible HC Diet

  1. Doris Reidy says:

    I was on that phlegm diet earlier this winter. Get well, buddy.

  2. pcartist says:

    I’m currently on the diet, which started the day after Christmas. My grandchildren, whom we spent Christmas with was sick. I call them my loving little Petri dishes, of which grandma, despite my unrelenting hand washing and hand sanitizing, manages to capture the germ that started it all. They each got over it in a couple of days, whereas, I will have to bear at least another week.

  3. Susanne says:

    I don’t think I could hack the phlegm diet. Get well, Josh. I hope you’re at least able to read?!

  4. An-l says:

    I hope you are improving daily…sounds awful! But, don’t worry Josh, your creativity has not disappeared. You still got a laugh out of me. Only you could write a blog about a cold the way you did this one. Please get well soon.

  5. Amanda Robinson says:

    Hope you’re feeling better soon!

    Amanda

  6. polinto says:

    I hope you feel better. What an awful time to have felt so bad. Pamela Olinto polinto@bellsouth.net

    >

  7. Amanda Rillema says:

    Sorry to hear you’re still sick :-(. Get better soon and if you play your cards right, maybe Mom will fix you a hot toddy!

  8. Gerald Flinchum says:

    Don’t bother taking that Orange powder stuff that claims to boost your immune system, Koolaid works just as well. Chicken soup helped mine which was licked before Christmas. Last year I threatened to move to Tucson. No rain, no snow, no leaves to rake no grass to cut, no sick people.

  9. charmayne b. richardson says:

    You are a trooper. Hope you feel better. No brown liquor in that hot toddy!

  10. Betty says:

    Poor Annie! A sick male is not a good thing for the wife of said male. Actually, I’m sorry to hear you’ve been under the weather – at least your humor still exists. Get well, my friend. You have work to do next week.

  11. Vikki Yodet says:

    I, too, have been suffering with the HC!! It’s rough! Glad you are back & I miss our classes! Always find worth in your words.

  12. nativeson49 says:

    Inadvertently (and certainly not voluntarily), I have been participating in the same HC regimen, Josh. Except in my case, the H part migrated to my chest with pretty much the same effects and symptoms as you’ve described. However, when I called my doctor about the CC, he deigned to see my ass or any part of my anatomy advising me that Tylenol and infinite amounts of suffering would suffice. I’ll keep you apprised (should I survive).

  13. This is kicking  lot of butts… I’m on the upside of 3rd round.. hope u get better soon!

    You are never too old to dream,Lilia  *Luke n Lucy* Sent from my T-Mobile 4G LTE Tablet

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